Wednesday, 28th November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: abc.net.au/news

Labor MP Steve Gibbons toady had to delete a post he made on Twitter, where he called Opposition Leader Tony Abbott a douchebag and Julie Bishop a narcissistic bimbo. He was then forced to apologise for the language he used to refer to Julie Bishop.

I guess that means everyone thinks Tony Abbott is a douchebag, seeing as Mr Gibbons wasn't forced to apologise for calling Mr Abbott one? Wow, Mr Abbott, you have it tough. First, a poll found that you were less popular than the carbon tax, a tax which I would like to point out that is intended to combat something you don't believe exists, and now no one, not even those from your party, is saying Mr Gibbons is wrong for calling you a douchebag. Tough break, man.

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Photograph: Guilio Saggin

Apple has today fired Mr Rich Williamson, the man responsible for Apple's failed Google Map, which is riddled with glitches.

 

After thirty-minutes, Mr Willamson was escorted out of the building after someone found him lost in a broom closet.

 

 

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Photograph: Robert Galbraith

People in the CBD of  Adelaide, Australia, can be looking forward to receiving free wifi by the end of next year, as outlined in a plan that was announced today by SA Premier Jay Weatherill.

 

Free wifi in a CBD area. Good luck trying to use it with everyone else trying to do the same.

 

 

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Source: abc.net.au/news

 





China's Communist Party newspaper made a terrible gaffe today, where it published an article by satirical US website The Onion claiming that Kim Jong-un was the sexiest man alive in their newspaper today and failed to mention that it was a satirical piece of work.

 

No one was more shocked to find out this piece of work was false, than the people of North Korea.

 

 

 

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Source: ninemsn.com.au

A drawing of a Wii GamePad on eBay had drawn a bid as high as AUD$87,226 before it was taken down by the online auction site, seeing as it was not a real video game.

 

No one was more disappointed than the man who had made the bid of AUD$87,226 knowing full well it was a drawing and still wanted to buy it.

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!

Tuesday, 27th November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: abc.net.au/news

The chief executive of Australian Agricultural Company, David Farley, has warned that Australia needs to pay closer attention to its agricultural policies and feed the region or risk an invasion driven by hunger, similar to the Huns.

We don't need to worry about that. With this many Chinese coming to Australia each year, we can always build our own Great Wall. But then again, just like all things made by Chinese, it will most likely be cheap and easily broken.

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Photograph: Toshifumi Kitamura

A recent poll by Nippon Research Centre has found that almost 90% of respondents to their recent survey have claimed not to have bought whale meat in the past year.

 

I guess 90% of their respondents must be done with whatever research they were doing. 

 

 

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Source: commodityonline.com

The Eurozone leaders today have finally reached a debt deal with Greece.

 

Oh, do you mean they have only now activated a plan to tackle the thing that was announced about a year ago as a disaster that needed to be fixed right away? Geez, that was quick.

 

 

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Source: ninemsn.com.au

It has been announced today that Kim Kardashian is the celebrity that was most often entered into the Bing search engine in 2012.

 

Hmm...I wonder why. Could it possibly have something to do with her big, soft bags?

 

Source: fashionfile.com.au

 



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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!

 





Friday, 23rd November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Photograph: Rob Leeson

Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, today has defended claims that Mr Nick Styant-Browne made on the 7:30 Report last night, in regards to the Prime Minister lying about having not seen a Commenwealth Bank fax, which would have meant she would have had knowledge about the improper use of a slush fund to purchase a house. The Prime Minister maintains that she has no recollection of seeing the document.

The Prime Minister probably wishes that she also has no recollection of knowledge about the coup against Prime Minster Kevin Rudd, making and then breaking the 'no carbon tax' promise, or the misogynistic grass patch that caused her to trip over in New Delhi.

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Source: independentaustralia.net

Tony Abbott today has revealed that under a Coalition Government, Australia's humanitarian refugee intake would be cut by more than 6,000 places.

 

"Oh my, God!" exclaimed a Nauru detainee as he heard the announcement, "Australia DOES have a humanitarian refugee intake quota!"

 

 

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Source: whatsonningbo.com

An elderly couple in the Zhejiang province in China, has had a motorway built around their home after refusing to move out, despite being offered compensation by the Chinese government.

Man, imagine backing out of that driveway and trying to merge with traffic every morning. What a nightmare!

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!

 



Wednesday, 21st November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.



Photograph: Stan Honda

Kevin Clash, the puppeteer of Sesame Street's famous muppet Elmo, has resigned from the part after fresh allegations of him having had sex with an underaged boy have surfaced.

I guess this puts a whole new meaning to "Tickle-me-Elmo".

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Source: abc.net.au/news

Sia Ka Tian, a 70-year-old Singaporean taxi driver, has been hailed a hero after he returned a bag containing over US$900,000 in cash, that he found in the back seat of his taxi.

 

Upon hearing this piece of news, one man said to another, "I told you the back seat of a taxi was a bad drop-off point." 

 

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Photograph: Dave Dyet

A new study by the Melbourne University has found that one in five older Australians are drinking alcohol at a hazardous level.

So be prepared for Brisbane's latest new binge drinking party, 'Wheelies'!



Source: superstock.com

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This next thing is not really a standard "The News As It Should Be" entry, but I thought this video was worth a mention. Enjoy!

 

Duumb Ways To Die: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw

 

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!





 

 

 

 

 

 



Tuesday, 20th November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

A report by the Human Rights Watch and Harvard Law School's International Human Rights Clinic titled 'Losing Humanity' has called for a treaty which prohibits the development of autonomous 'killer robots' before there is a chance for them to be developed.

What could possibly go wrong with autonomous killer machines? Oh, right. Well, I guess he's not going to be back.



Source: abc.net.au/news

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Source: abc.net.au/news

Peter Jackson, the director of The Hobbit trilogy, has had to deny claims that animals were maimed or killed during the filming of the first instalment of The Hobit trilogy.

 

And yet, I don't see anyone worrying about the orc that gets brutally murdered in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

 

 

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Source: abc.net.au/news

NSW police today were baffled after finding three bags of freshly-cut marijuana with a sign reading "Free dope. Mull up.", simply lying on the side of a street.

 

Clearly the police were surprised by how 'dope' their finding was.

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!



Monday, 12th November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Photograph: Torston Blackwood

While trying to put out a fire near Port Macquarie last week, Rural Fire Service volunteers were soaked with untreated sewage when a fire-fighting helicopter mistakenly scooped water from a raw sewage pond to water-bomb the nearby blaze.

Said one volunteer to another, "Man, I didn't sign up for this shit."

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Source: jewelsdiva.com.au

A 20-year-old man in Melbourne attempted to rob a McDonalds store at gunpoint, but was foiled by staff and customers, who tackled him to the ground and held him there until police could arrive.

 

When the police arrived on scene, they were surprised  to find Grimace sitting on top of the Hamburglar.

 

 

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Source: abc.net.au/news

Google has been ordered to pay a Melbourne man $200,000 dollars, after the Victorian Supreme Court found the internet search engine had wrongly linked him to Melbourne's underworld, for when you typed in Mr Michael Trkulja's name, the search results showed pictures that linked him to gangland boss Tony Mokbel.

 

Hey, when you type in my name, Glenn Lim, you get results about a man who came close to a life sentence for importing drugs in his youth. Needless to say that is not me, and yet, you don't see me getting anything for a case of mistaken identity. I'm just saying, is all.

 

 

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And that's the news for today! See you all next time!

Wednesday, 7th November, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: theaustralian.com.au

Yesterday, Green Moon took first place in the Melbourne Cup.

Yes, there was an actual race yesterday. Contrary to popular belief, the Melbourne Cup is not simply a code for 'Let us all ditch work early, go to a pub and get drunk.'

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Source: ciol.com

A man in the US state of Pennsylvania has uploaded a clip of a polling machine that changed his vote from Barack Obama to Mitt Romney.

 

Oh, Obama. You forgot about the polling machine demograph, didn't you?

 

 

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Source: abc.net.au/news

A Sydney court today has heard Paul Peters, who attached a collar bomb to Madeline Pulver's neck in August 2011, admit that 'he got the wrong house', saying that he was after a trustee that he believed owed him millions of dollars.

 

Unable to find his money and unable to find the place where the person who supposedly has it lives, I'm surprised he was even able to find his way to court.

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!



 



Monday, 5th November, 2012

Source: en.wikipedia.org

The Australian National University have released the results of their survey, which asked more than 2,000 people what they thought of Australian politicians. The results of the survey found that there is a growing degree of mistrust of Australian politicians by the people of Australia, in light of increasing concern about corruption within the government.

Because we all know how trustworthy politicians were to start with, and how they always mean what they say. I mean, just think about all the election promises they've kept!

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Photograph: Margaret Barnes

A whale that had beached itself for the second time since Saturday at New Year Island located off the coast of Tasmania, has finally been returned to the water for the second time last night.

 

I feel sorry for the whale, who simply wanted to lie on the beach and catch a tan. And those who freed the whale called themselves, 'wildlife experts'...

 

 

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Source: bernardtomic.com

 

Earlier today, Bernard Tomic's had pleaded not guilty to a failure to stop a motor vehicle. Not long after, the courts had found Mr Tomic guilty.

 

It really does make you wonder why Mr Tomic plea had failed. After all, the police only activated their police lights and sirens and also gestured with their hands for Tomic to pull over. That surely could mean a multitude of things besides pull over, right?

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!