Friday, 28th September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: abc.net.au/news

Yesterday at the UN General Assmebly in New York, Israeli prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, drew a red line on a drawing of a picture of a bomb, stating as he did so that Iran was 90% complete to having a nuclear bomb.

He then apologised, saying that the card he pulled out was meant for a charity fundraiser he was attending the next day.

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Source: abc.net.au/news



Scientists in Australia have suggested reintroducing dingoes back to the landscape, in order to curb the feral cats and foxes that are overrunning the areas where dingoes are being culled.

 

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure there's a reason why dingoes were being culled in the first place, right?

 

 

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Source: Facebook.com

 

Facebook today has rolled out a new service called Facebook Gifts, for their US users to send real-life gifts to their friends on their birthdays, with hopes that the service will eventually be made available to everyone around the world.

This is a great idea, because although I am so cheap as to not want to make a phone call or send an SMS to my friend on their birthday, I am definitely willing to send them an actual gift that would cost me money. And if that person I'm wishing a happy birthday was truly a close friend, then sending them a generic gift would be something I would definitely do. So great move Facebook, it really is a wonder as to why your share prices are plummeting.

 



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Photograph: Alan Porritt

Federal Communications Minister, Stephen Conroy, has today defended the comment that he had made earlier this week of, if he "say to you everyone in this room, 'if you want to bid next week in our spectrum auction you better wear red underpants on your head', you'll be wearing them on your head."  

 

Although to be fair, this was probably the only way anyone would join his version of The Justice League where the superheroes have to wear their underwear on their head as masks.

 

 

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Source: abc.net.au

The Federal Government has finally settled its case with James Ashby, paying the Speaker of the House Peter Slipper's former staffer a grand total of $50,000. But this is not enough for James Ashby, who is now considering sueing Attorney-General Nicola Roxon for her comments in regards to the settlement of his lawsuit.

 

Which brings me to my rant I like to call, "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

 

What the hell is wrong with you, James Ashby?! You just won $50,000 from a lawsuit that anyone would tell you, you were lucky to have received anything from, seeing as there was a lack of any evidence in your favor. And now you want to risk losing all that money in court fees just to sue the Attorney-General over some trifle comment she made? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?!

 

And seriously, James Ashby, what the hell is wrong with you?! I'm not saying you are one or that anyone should do this kind job, but a hooker would be pleased to be in your position. I mean, you effectively got paid for some random sexual innuendos thrown your way without having to do anything sexual. That, in the prostitution industry, is the dream. And you walked away with $50,000 for it. I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?!

 

Finally, James Ashby, what the hell is wrong with you?! Have you no idea what the media has portrayed of you? I'll admit that initially, they seemed sympathetic to you. But after a while, as new evidence revealed themselves, the media has made you out to be a liar who simply is someone else's puppet in their grand scheme of things. And now, you want to sue one of the most powerful women in Australia over some comment, which by all fairness she had a right to say. Think about it - the media has already made you seem like a whimp. Now, that you are someone who is so petty that they would pick a fight with a woman over some comment she made, think about what they're going to do to you. I mean, seriously James Ashby, what the hell is wrong with you?!

 

 

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And that's the news for tonight. See you all next time!

Thursday, 27th September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: Getty Images

Alberto Casillas Asenjo, a cafe owner in Spain, has been hailed a hero by many for preventing riot police from storming his shop during the riot on Tuesday night.

But I think the police who were just after their daily dosage of coffee and doughnuts would beg to differ.

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Source: goldnet.com.au

A man in the US has proposed to his girlfriend while flying a plane they were in and pretending it was going to crash. The man then got his girlfriend to read from an emergency procedure manual which ended with a question - Will you marry me? - to which his girlfriend answered. 'yes'.

Though this story has gone viral and may have a happy ending, I feel sorry for the next couple that actually experiences engine trouble. Man: "Honey, the plane's crashing! Check the emergency procedure manual!" Lady, "Oh, sweetie! Yes! Yes!"

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Source: abc.net.au/news





The people of the Solomon Islands were offended by Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge's choice of dress during her visit to the area as part of the couple's tour to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee.

After hearing about what happened in France, the people were expecting something a little more 'revealing'.

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Photograph: Paul Miller



In his latest menagerie of the carbon tax, Opposition Leader Tony Abbott has likened the carbon tax to that of an 'embrace of an octopus', with it originally being an 'instantaneous cobra strike', followed by a 'python's squeeze'.

This confirms once and for all that Tony Abbott gets his ideas from horror movies from the 60s.

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Source: en.wikipedia.org



Penguins at the Melbourne Aquarium have followed in the lead of Paul the octopus, the octopus that was made famous for it's supposed 'psychic abilities' during the Soccer World Cup, and are attempting to guess the winner of this year's AFL Grand Final.

After closer inspection, it was found out that they were simply wealthy businessmen punting at an illegal gambling den set up in the aquarium. They better keep a look out for the loan sharks!

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And that's the news for tonight! See you all next time!

Monday, 17th September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: vimeo.com

Richard Bowles, an ultra-marathon runner celebrated the completion of his 5000km charity run from central Victoria to far north Queensland with a beer.

Which makes it the world's longest charity fund-raising beer crawl.

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A video that was filmed yesterday in Bankstown at the "Muslims Rise" conference shows an eight-year-old girl expressing her love for jihad.

This was one of the many entries in yesterday's children's talent show portion of the conference, where the winner gets to decide the next 'protest', just like last how year's winner planned the protest that happened in Sydney on Saturday.



Source: abc.net.au/news

 

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Source: The Daily Telegraph

Police top brass have copped flak after their supposed inadequte response, with reports coming out that officers were 'continually been refused permission" to "go in hard" on the protesters'.

 

Right, so when they do act immediately and issue us a fine for speeding or drink driving, we complain. When they are told to hold back and still manage to quell a riot, we complain. There's just no pleasing us is there? 

 

 

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And that's the news for today! See you all next time!



Friday, 14th September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.



Source: cleo.com.au

 

It was reported on the Australian Cleo website today that Emma Watson is considering playing the lead role of Anastasia Steele in the film adaptation of the book 'Fifty Shades of Grey', only if Ryan Gosling plays the role of Christian Grey.

 

I think if both of them get said parts, they would fit their roles perfectly. After all Ryan Gosling has had experience playing a young, intelligent lover in 'Crazy, Stupid, Love.' while Emma Watson has had years of playing with wands.

 

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Source: emed.com.au

New York City today has become the first city in the United States of America to impose a partial ban on the sales of supersized soft drinks, as part of a health initiative. However, there has been no ban on the amount of refills one person can make on smaller sized drinks.

 

Later today, the same Board of Health that had spearheaded this initiative announced that continiously eating one more bite out of a slice of cake until it's finished, totally does not violate any dieting plans you may have. 

 

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Source: ninemsn.com.au

A woman in California was surprised today when she had her dishwasher delivered to her house today, only to find there was a snake trapped inside some of the taping the appliance came with.

 

Well, I guess Samuel L. Jackson wasn't in charge of the delivery, otherwise he would've taken care of the mother-effing snake on the mother-effing truck.

 

 

 

The lady had also called up Sears, the producers of the dishwasher, to complain that she was also missing some panels and handles.

 

Said a representative at Sears, "Since we gave you a pet snake for free, can we call it even? Besides, if you really wanted to, you could always use the snake as a handle."

 

 

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And that's the news for today! See you all next time!

Monday, 10th September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: inhernewromanticway.blogspot.com

A new app for the iPhone called Thinking of U, or TofU, has been released which allows you to compile a list of things you love to allow the special people in your life know what you want for a present.

So be prepared for all of your family and friends getting you the exact same gift for your birthday.

Or you can always put up a list of things you hate so that when your birthday comes, you know who's been using that app. Jokes on them, suckers!

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Source: scania.com.au

Starting January next year, peak-hour buses will now be taking convoluted routes through Sydney's CBD in an attempt to reduce congestion in traffic on the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

 

Which means that passengers will no longer have to deal with being stuck on the bridge, but at some random point in the city instead.

 

 

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Source: allaboutaddiction.com

Australian and New Zealand liver specialists have predicted that rates of liver cancer in Australia and New Zealand will be increasing over the next decade.

 

So basically, to kerb this trend we'll have to stop getting drunk and having unprotected sex with random strangers because we're so out of it. Oh God, we're screwed (pun intended)!



 

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Source: en.wikipedia.org

Tomorrow, game publisher Namco Bandai will attempt to break the world record for the largest screen ever used in a video-game tournament with their game 'Tekkan Tag Tournament 2', by using a screen at Darling Harbour's IMAX theatre.

 

The game publisher will also be going for another record tomorrow: the most amount of nerds spraining their neck from looking up.

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Source: theage.com.au

ABC has announced their plans to air an adults-only line-up on its digital channel every Friday night.

Which means if your parents suddenly enter the room while you're watching TV late at night, you can no longer pretend you were watching something educational and not some random sex scene on SBS.



 

 

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And that's the news for today! See you all next time!

Saturday, 8th September, 2012

Hello, here's a special weekend edition of what's been happening in the news today.

Source: ninemsn.com.au

An Israeli ad for the iPhone app 'MyCheck' which allows diners to pay their bills without having to go to the counter, has offended many viewers. The ad depicts supermodel Bar Refaeli being drugged and kidnapped before she is taken to a dark room with other girls who are bounded and drugged, where her abductor smiles as he sharpens a knife.

If that's what happens when you use the app 'MyCheck', I think I might just stick with going to the counter to settle my bill.

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Source: independent.ie

A video of a Russian schoolgirl kicking her teacher in the groin that was posted online this week has gone viral.

 

This is partly due to a whole bunch of peadophiles typing into a search engine: schoolgirl, teacher and groin.

 

 

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Source: Coconino.az.gov

A policeman in Arizona, America has walked free after Judge Hatch sentenced him to two years probation for his crime of sexually assaulting a lady by running his hands up the victim's skirt and then feeling her genitals. Said the judge to the victim, "If you wouldn't have been there that night, none of this would have happened to you."

 

Really now, Judge Hatch? So if I ever appear in court for murder and said, "If the victim hadn't been there, then I wouldn't have been able to kill him," everything will be hunky dory?
 

 

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Source: ninemsn.com.au

A double-decker bus in Sydney last night has gone up in flames.

 

My bet is that the fire started because this guy was smoking on the top deck.

 



Source: skynews.com.au

 

 

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And that's the news for today. See you all next time!



Monday, 3rd September, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: detroit.world-guides.com

A 39-year-old man from Detroit in the US who shot and killed two people while injuring an additional two, had to turn himself in twice before he was finally arrested by police. The delay was apparantely "due to area patrol units being busy handling high priority runs".

Well that makes sense now because we all know a man who killed two people and injured another two would definitely never make it on to a 'high priority run' list.

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Source: micromatic.com

A drunk US college student allegedly threatened to slap a cop across the face with his penis after he was arrested for urinating in a public area.

 

The student then told the cop he would pay an extra twenty dollars if the cop placed it in his mouth.

 

 

 

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Source: dailymail.co.uk

A US man has hired two giant billboards which says, "Please Hire My Wife." At first the wife was not comfortable with the idea but soon admitted that the billboards had cheered her up.

Especially now that she's getting all these messages from random hot guys wanting to have sex with her. They all know that she's "A Great Fit."



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Source: nomoredirtylooks.com

A study conducted by researchers from Cronell University in New York have found that couples who have sex on their first date are less than likely to form a long and happy relationship with said sexual partner.

 

No way!You mean that one night stands rarely every turn into long lasting relationships? I would have never guessed! Seriously, why the hell are research programs like these being funded?

 

 

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And that's the news for today! See you all next time!