Tuesday, 31st July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: Wikipedia

Rachel Hewitt, a 39-year-old former police officer in the UK was jailed after lying about her daughter having cancer, so she could have leave in order to take her daughter to compete in equestrian contests.

Man, talk about chucking a sickie.


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Source: smh.com.au

James Ashby, the man who had accused Speaker of the House, Peter Slipper, of sexually harassing him is allegedly now under police investigation over sex allegations concerning teenage boys.

Somehow, this seems all too familiar and that maybe, just maybe, it's all part of an elborate plan by this man.

Mal Brough (left). Photograph: Harrison Saragossi

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Source: The Daily Telegraph

 

It was announced today that community concenrs and ideas about the North West Rail Link in NSW, will be put on public display some time this year.

Although, if its anything like the actual project, you know it's never going to be accessible to the public.

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The Federal Opposition has slammed Education Minister Peter Garrett's claim that teachers do not need to be smart or gifted, so long as they were passionate.

Though I have a feeling that Peter Garrett was just talking about himself and his transition from Midnight Oil to being an MP.







Source: rhapsody.com

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And that's the news for today! See you next time!



Monday, 30th July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: Sky News

This morning, the Australian Men's Swimming Team had finished fourth in the finals, despite being the red hot favourite entering the competition and having two individauls nicknamed 'The Rocket' and 'The Missile'.

I don't know why this is a surprise to everyone. The last time I checked, missiles and rockets don't work well underwater.

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Source: ninemsn.com.au

Timmy Eike, an 18-year-old man in the US, has been arrested after a taxi driver allegedly heard the teenager's plot to stage a Columbine-style shooting massacre at his school.

Timmy Eike is now the red-hot favourite to play the villan in the next James Bond movie.

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A 23-year-old man in the Northern Territory may be flown to Adelaide after having lit a firework while it was between his buttocks.

When questioned by police as to why he would do such a thing, the man replied, "I was just trying to be like Katy Perry." Wrong part of the body, mate.

Source: kateonthebike.blogspot.com.au

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Photogpraher: Anne Keiser

Wallace Weatherholt, a 63-year-old man in the US,  has been charged with the unlawful feeding of an alligator after it bit off his hand that was holding a fish.

But prior to this, he was warned that the penatlies could cost him an arm and a leg.

 

 

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Source: The Mirror, UK

Kristen Stewart, famous for her role in the Twilight Series, has admitted to cheating on her husband, Robert Pattinson, with Rupert Sanders, the director of the movie "Snow White and the Huntsman" which she also stars in.

This came as a surprise to Robert Pattinson, especially after finding out Rupert Sanders was not a werewolf.

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And that's the news! See you next time!

Monday, 23rd July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: volleywood.net

Actors today have demanded gun ownership to be restricted in the US after the incident referred by many as the 'Batman Massacare'

They didn't seem too concerned when the Caltech University Massacre happened, but when it happens in a place where their product gets sold, that's where they draw the line.

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Source: Wikipedia

28-year-old Clinton Mead is trying to recruit the 500 members he needs in order to form a political party in Australia, saying he wishes to run in the next federal election as leader of his new party, the "Somkers' Rights Party".

All the other political parties aren't worried. Instead, they're just sitting back and waiting to see when his dreams will go up in smoke.

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Photograph: Michael Whitehead

A South Coast filmnaker is attempting to make a movie called 'Fatland' using only overweight people.

You just know whoever's working the snack bar is going to make a killing from this production.

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Source: Wikipedia

Amanda Whittaker, a 27-year-old English woman has claimed that she achieved an orgasm after touching the Stature of Liberty.

She also commented on how big and hard it was.

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Source: Reuters

A group of ladies in central Belgrade, Croatia today competed in an event organised by a local magazine in hopes of winning themselves a bridal dress.

Because its every girl's dream to wear a dirty, torn-up dress to their wedding.

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With the first wave of Olynpic athletes touching down in London, online gay dating website Grindr was down for 24 hours due to the suspected overuse by the athletes.

Although I'm going to guess that's not all that was down for 24 hours.

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And that's the new's for today! See you tomorrow!

Wednesday, 18th July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Source: ninemsn

Ten's new reality TV show 'The Shire' continues to draw heavy criticism, with the latest being that two of the cast members, Sophie and Vernessa, aren't even really from The Shire which only adds to the hatred about the phoniness of the show.

Although, the real trick in my opinion is to find what's not phony about the show.

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Source: smh.com.au

The head of the Australian Medical Association, Dr Steve Hambleton, has urged the federal government to crack down on alcohol advertising and also feature warning labels on bottles, similar to those now on cigarette packages, in an attempt to stop the binge-drinking culture.

Although it's not going to make much of a difference at bars and pubs where the drink bottles are on a shelf far from the counter and seeing as the drink will then be served in a glass cup. Also, I don't think you'll be reading the warning labels on the bottle very well after you've had a few to drink.

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Source: Maxlink Media Services

A tram driver in Melbourne has been filmed driving a tram while reading an electronics catalogue which sparked fears in commuters travelling on said tram in regards to their safety.

Although, what was concealed inside the catalogue was the book he was actually reading - Fifty shades of Grey

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Photograph: David Paul Morris     Source: AFP

The Gillard government has come under scrutiny by the opposition, who have demanded the Labor Party explain how they subsidised the industry with $34 million, claiming it would bring about 300 new jobs, but in reality 440 jobs will be axed. Parliamentary Secretary for Industry and Innovation Mark Dreyfus said that "We'd be seeing thousands of job losses, not hundreds."

Really, Mr Dreyfus? Let's do some maths shall we. If your government's subsidy would have created 300 jobs, then in effect you saved 300 jobs. That would mean the total job loss without the subsidy, the total job loss would have been 300 + 440 = 740. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's definately not 'thousands'. I sure hope you can do your job better than you can do maths but judging by how the car industry is doing, I'm guessing you're not good at that either.

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Source: SWNS

 Rachel Claire Martin, a 24-year-old bank clerk in the UK had stolen $70,000 from Barclays bank, before she blew it all on breast enlargements, dental work and nights out on the town.

Although, with all the work she had done one her body and all the partying she did, I'm pretty sure that's not the only thing she blew on. (Perhaps a breathalyzer. I don't know what you were thinking.)

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Source: Quest Newspapers

Two men in Queensland have been charged with throwing Molotov cocktails at one another due to a dispute they were having over a girl.

The men claimed they were trying to ignite the flames of passion they had for the girl...by igniting the other man.

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And that's the news! See you all tomorrow!

Tuesday, 17 July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Photograph: Triana Lavey. (Facebook)

Triana Lavey, a 37-year-old woman in the US, says she underwent plastic surgery so that she could look better online.

Because posting a picture of a younger version of yourself is definitely much more difficult and expensive.

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Photograph: Body Armour      Source: The Echolife Blog

A report published in a nursing journal on Monday urged nurses to go on the offensive against videos uploaded to the site YouTube, saying that there are videos on the popular video site that convey the message that nurses are always scantily dressed or willing participants in male sexual fantasies.

This comes as a shock to the adult entertainment industry, who after reading this article, realised that they've had it all wrong after all these years.

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Photograph: Blue Gene       Source: Flickr



Scientists in Australia have developed a supercomputer that mimics the common cold in an attempt to find a way to treat it.

Which means on top of all the viruses out there, I now have to worry about one that is constantly mutating and pretty much can never be stopped. Thank you, Australian scientists.

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US President Barack Obama, has been booed after refusing to kiss his wife when they appeared on the Kiss Cam at a basketball game.

But it was probably a good thing, because we all know what happens when a president is caught kissing someone.

Photograph: Joyce Naltchayan       Source: Getty Images

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Source: Channel Ten

Channel Ten's release of their new reality TV show 'The Shire' has received negative criticism from viewers and critics alike. This, along with the reality TV show 'Being Lara Bingle' marks the second reality TV show the station has released in recent weeks that has failed to deliver.

Which just goes to show, that the only thing Channel Ten viewers want to see on their TV is food.

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And that's the news! See you tomorrow!

Monday, 16 July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

The developer lobby group, Urban Taskforce, has warned the NSWstate government about the nimbyism (Not in my backyard - ism) attitude hel by local communities in regards to the proposed overhaul to the NSW planning laws which would see local communities have more power in how their community is to be developed.

However, they are perfectly fine with the community's YOLO attitude

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Photograph: Jon Hargest Source: Herald Sun

Fans outside The Olsen hotel in Brisbane today were fooled by a Justin Bieber look-alike waving from a hotel room window, thinking that he was the real deal.

But from that far away, it is easy to mistake the baby that was waving for Justin Bieber.

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Photograph: Conservation International

The environmental group, Conservation International, today had posted a video today of a whale shark sucking fish from a hole in a fishing net.

The silverside baitfish screamed with joy at being freed, only to realise where they were headed.

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The NSW school holidays are over and with students now returning to school, it has been predicted that traffic congestion in the state will now get even worse.

So if you thought that nothing could be worse than having your kids stuck in the backseat screaming 'are we there yet?' during the holidays, you were wrong.

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Photograph: Los Angeles Times

A bear in Los Angeles that had achieved Twitter fame as 'TheGlendaleBear', attracting over 24, 000 followers on the social networking site, has been caught and released back into the wild.

There, Mr Grylls will continue filming the next season of 'Man vs Wild'

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That's the news for today! See you tomorrow!

Friday, 13th July, 2012

Hello, here's what's been happening in the news today.

Photograph: Damian Shaw Source: The Daily Telegraph

The Lord Mayor of Kings Cross presented to the NSW government today a proposal for late-night shuttle trains, pre-paid taxis and changes to liquor licensing, in an attempt to rush weekend visitors out of the area that is notorious for violence.

If this passes, people will no longer have to worry about the fights happening in Kings Cross because thanks to the frequent modes of transport and the lack of liquor in the area, it will all be coming to a suburb near you.

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Queensland Premier Campbell Newman announced today his six-month plan for the state, saying that "Criminals should be afraid of the LNP".

His plan involved forcing to offenders to view pictures of Tony Abbot in his budgie smugglers until they have learnt their lesson.

Photograph: JimTrifyllis Source: The Australian

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David Finegold, the senior vice-president for Lifelong Learning and Strategic Growth at Rutgers University has warned that Australia's higher education sector should pick up its game if it wants to regain its position of being a major destination for Chinese students.

You know this is true because everyone at UWS, UNSW, USYD and UTS, can say that there are too few Chinese students already as it is.

Photograph: http://iooginyihs.wordpress.com/2008/03/

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Photograph: AAP

The Federal Health Minister, Tanya Plibersek, said that starting next year, the government would provide the Human Papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, which protects against cervical cancer, to both girls and boys.

 

 

Because, you know, guys need protection against cervical cancer too.

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Photograph: Herald Sun

Rio Tinto has donated the rare 8.01 carat Argyle Pink Jubilee diamond to the Melbourne Museum where it has gone on permanent display.

They have also named the man that they have decided to hire for security - Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

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Photograph: Ron Phillips/Associated Press

The third installment of the Batman Trilogy, The Dark Knight Rises, is set to be released in Australia on July 19th and is already creating a huge amount of buzz.

Which never ceases to amaze me how badly people want to see a grown man wear his underpants on the outside and pretend that he's a bat.

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That's the news for today! See you on Monday!

And to finish off for tonight (probably not the best choice of words after what I've just posted):

Police in the US believe that groundhogs are responsible for a series of flag thefts from Civil War graves at the Grand Army of the Republic section of Cedar Park Cemetery.

So if you thought they only stole your Springtime, think again.

Harry Reid, a US Senator has been listed as a sexual position in the Urban Dictionary as someone who 'gets on top and then [does] absolutely nothing.'

I would like to take this moment to try and use some of our MPs in a similar fashion.

Julia Gillard - Taking something from behind.

Kevin Rudd - Having someone close to you, do you over.

Tony Abbott - Someone who does not know what they're doing.

Julie Bishop - Someone who stares at you constantly.

Nick Xenophon - The person you go to if you have no other choice.

So to use these in an example:

This girl, she wanted me to Kevin Rudd her, saying she would really like it if I was fine with the whole Julia Gillard thing as well. But I was like, I'm a total Tony Abbott when it comes to that. And plus, she is a total Julie Bishop. But I ended up going through with it all, seeing as she was my Nick Xenophon.

Britain's chief chocolate taster, Angus Kennedy, has been forced to retire from his $45, 500-a-year job due or he faces a high chance of having a heart attack.

This has caused much fuss between the Oompa Loompas who are now all fighting over who should get the job.

Marine biologist Paul Sikkel had named a tiny blood-sucking parasite that infests fish after his idol Bob Marley as a tribute to the late singer.

Because there's no greater way to honour a person than to say, "When I see a blood-sucking parasite, I think of you."

Kerry Kilner, an Australian academic at the University of Queensland said that university students should be allowed to reference Wikipedia.

This opens a door for those students who have never used that website for their assignments, which is just about no one.

Today, ninemsn offered its visitors the option of viewing footage from the perspective of a guide dog, streamed live to their comupters.

So if you ever wanted to know what it looked like to sniff another dog's butt, there goes your chance.

Angus Stone, one half of the Austraian singing duo "Broken Bright" is set to launch his first solo single on Ten's Late News with presenter Hamish McDonald.

The Hamburglar was also asked to make an appearance, but he respectfully declined.