Why the world did not end: Reason One

Why the world did not end: Reason One

Reason One: It was all a lie!

I know what you're thinking *in a silly voice* "Duh, Glenn! We all know that! We're evidently still here seeing as I'm reading this." But what if I told you it was the ingenious plans of various corporations to part you with your money? Bet you're feeling pretty silly now for mocking me, huh? No? Fine...

Anyways, with companies wanting to make more money, they have to find ways for people to spend more cash on things that they do not need. And when do they earn the most cash? Holidays, of course! Think about how much money a corporation gets on Christmas, on Valentines Day, on Easter. There's was only one thing stopping them from making even more cash. They were out of holidays. But they're smart. They know they can't just make a random happy holiday. No, they know us consumers will be too smart for that. After all, who's going to fall for ValenChrEaster Day?
So, what do they do? Hatch a dastardly scheme to trick everyone it's gonig to be the end of the world. Only catch is, they couldn't say the world was going to end the very next day or something. They needed to make it seem legit, and the only way they could have done so was to use some obscure, outdated calendar to bait their trap.

And so, they waited for the year 2012 to come. And when it did, boy did they reap their rewards. Let's take a look at the end-of-the-world safety pod industry. How often do you think they get orders to produce their products? I'm pretty sure their sales records is something like 2010: zero; 2011: zero; 2012 - a gazillion.

And what about the day after? I'm sure people decided to party hard and get drunk because they found out the world was still here. Oh, who am I kidding...We all know that us Australians would have found some other pointless excuse to party, even if the world had ended. In fact, I bet they would have gotten drunk after reasoning it was their last chance to do so.

Moral of the story? Spend money on the happy holidays we have like there's no tomorrow, lest you want the fear of there being no tomorrow. Don't have the cash? Then keep borrowing money from the bank, because it is okay to constantly live beyond your means and rack up a huge debt. And banks? Keep lending out money, even to those that you know can't pay you back. It won't jepordize your customer's future, your company, or the country. So go nuts!

And drink responsibly (Because showing these words on a screen is really going to convince you to do so).